Tinkle

 

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son..
All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears.  'What's wrong?' asked the mother. 'I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out,' replied the daughter.
The mother told her it was okay and xplained what happened 16 years ago.
About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears. 'Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out.'  Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.
A week later her son walked into the room in tears. 'It's okay' said the Mom, 'I know what happened You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out.'
'No,' said the boy, 'I was playing with myself and I shot the dog.'

 

        

"The Brothel"

 

The madam opened the brothel door in Winnipeg and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.        
"May I help you sir?" she asked.        
The man replied, "I want to see Valerie."        
"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies.  Perhaps you would prefer someone else", said the madam.        
He replied, "No, I must see Valerie."        
Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5000 a visit.        
Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs.        
After an hour, the man calmly left.        
The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie.        
Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive.        
"There are no discounts. The price is still $5000."        
Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs.        
After an hour, he left.        
The following night the man was there yet again.        
Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.        
After their session, Valerie said to the man, "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row.  Where are you from?"        
The man replied, "New Brunswick."        
"Really," she said. "I have family in New Brunswick."
        
"I know." the man said.  "Your sister died, and I am her attorney.  She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance."
        
The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:
        
1. Death 

2. Taxes
        
3. Being screwed 

 

 

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