The Stranded Man

A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft." Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and she says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" "Ten years!" he says. She reaches over, unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!" Then she asks, "How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?" He replies, "Ten years!" She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He takes a long swig and says, "Wow, that's fantastic!" Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you've had some real fun?" And the man replies, "My God! Don't tell me you've got a motorcycle in there!"

Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Southerner ?

Here is a little test that will help you decide.

The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.  Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife
comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you...

You are carrying a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP and you are an expert shot.  You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.  What do you do ?
..................................................................
THINK CAREFULLY AND
THEN SCROLL DOWN:

Democrat's Answer :

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question !
Does the man look poor or oppressed ?  Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack ?  Could we run away ?  What does my wife think ?  What about the kids ?  Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand ?  What does the law say about this situation ?  Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it ?  Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children ? Is it possible he'd be
happy with just killing me ?  Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me ?  If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me ?  Should I call 9-1-1 ?  Why is this street so deserted ?  We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior..This is all so confusing !  I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.
............................................................................

Republican's Answer:

BANG !

......................................................................

Southerner's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG !
Click..... (Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click
Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy ! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points ? '
Son: 'Can I shoot the next one ?'

Wife: 'You ain't taking that to the taxidermist !

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