Husband Down

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.  'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.  'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.  A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.  'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.  'Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.  Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price.'
On the PA system: 'Cleanup on aisle 25; we have a husband down.'



A little Humor for your day! 

The reason children are worth all the effort is because in the long run we get Grandchildren from them and that makes it all worth the while!

1.  After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"

2. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.

3. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."

4. A 2nd grader came home from school and said to her grandma,"Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool "That's interesting," she said, "how do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

 

 

 

The Young Farmer & His New Wife

A young farm couple, Homer and Darlene, got married and just couldn't
> seem to get enough lovin'.. In the morning, before Homer left the house
> for the fields, they made love. When Homer came back from thefields, they
> made love. And again at bedtime, they made love.
>
> The problem was their nooner: it took Homer a half hour to travel home
> and another half hour to return to the fields and he just wasn't getting
> enough work done. Finally Homer asked the town doctor what to do.
>
> "Homer," said the doctor, "just take your rifle out to the field with you
> and when you're in the mood, fire off a shot into the air. That will be
> Darlene's signal to come out to you. Then you won't lose any field time."
>
> They tried Doc's advice and it worked well for a while until one day,
> when Homer came back to the doctor's office.
>
> "What's wrong?" asked the Doc. "Didn't my idea work?"
>
> "Oh, it worked real good," said Homer.
>
> "Whenever I was in the mood, I fired off ashot like you said and
> Darlene'd come runnin'. We'd find a secluded place, make love, and then
> she'd go back home agin."
>
> "Good, Homer. So what's the problem?" asked the Doc.
>
> "Ah mighta trained her too good. I ain't seen her since huntin'season
> started." 

A Girl's Night Out 

The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.' I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!' Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!) The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem upset in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.' When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh shit', cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.'

 

The Economy

The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in themail.
The economy is so bad I ordered a burger at McDonalds and the kid behindthe counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"
The economy is so bad that CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
The economy is so bad if the bank returns your check marked "InsufficientFunds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
The economy is so bad Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higherthan GM.
The economy is so bad McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
The economy is so bad parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies andlearned their children's names.
The economy is so bad a truckload of Americans was caught sneaking intoMexico .
The economy is so bad Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
The economy is so bad Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen

| More